Goodbye Pwas: A Eulogy

Pwas, the family cat that I left in Oregon with my dad, was put to sleep today. While I'm sad, I'm certainly not as sad as I was when I found out about his cancer in January. I think when I went home in February, I did all my letting go when saying goodbye to him. I knew in my heart it would be the last time I saw him. So I picked him up, and held him one last time, and told him that I was letting him go. I told him that whenever he needed to go, that it was okay with me and that I'd always have the memories.

My dad is having him cremated, and then we're going to have a ceremony when I can be there. So I'm going to write a little eulogy for the cat.

You were a great cat. I remember when we first went to pick you up, we all swore there was no way you were only six months old. You were already the size of a rather large full grown cat. And then you just got bigger. But no matter how big you got, you were always on my side. You sat with me and purred when I was crying to make me feel better. You tolerated my childish antics, even when I thought it would be fun to dress you up in clothes borrowed from my dolls. You let me trim your nails, give you baths, carry you all over the house, all without ever attacking or fighting back.

You made me laugh. You were so big, and you always wanted to try to be small like cats normally are. So you'd try to balance on the arm of the couch or fit into a small box, and you'd always fall off or break the box and spill out. And then that thing you carried all around the house, crying out for someone to pay attention. That disgusting stuffed sock that we could never throw away for fear you'd be devastated without your "boppy."

In later years, you became the best old man cat I've ever met. Grumping around the house, with the occasional croaky "meow" issuing from your lips. Then you'd haul your weight onto the couch and throw yourself down next to me. And then whip me with that giant tail, just to remind me that you were still there.

You'd been in my life since I was 8 years old. Since then I've gone through the terrors of middle school, the growing pains of high school, the necessary experience of college, the post-college trauma of realizing I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, and then the moment when I figured that out. I've grown and changed and moved across the country and started my own life with my own pets. But I never forgot you. You were always my cat. My Pwas.

I love you. Be at peace now.