Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I see it!

The big puzzle has come together! Law school makes sense! Property, torts, civil procedure...they're all connected! And I see how! Hooray!

Ok, so the revelation happened last night, and I'm trying to recreate the elation I felt when I saw that magical moment of it all connecting.

I hope this revelation will stave off any future panic attacks. Fingers crossed!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

An actual law school related post.

It's getting down to the end of my first semester. And even though I've suffered through migraines, stomach aches, and panic attacks...it is all worth it. I finally feel like I'm on my way to doing something really important.

Before I came to law school, I thought law was "interesting." I still cannot say what came over me when I made the decision to go to law school. It might be a bit silly to quote Legally Blonde, but sometimes I feel like one of the professors could very well be talking about me when he said "Do you think she woke up one morning and said: I think I'll go to law school today." Yes. I did. Really, it dawned on me that I had a fair amount of intelligence that wasn't really being used at my current job, and I wasn't going to get many better opportunities without more school, and somehow that led me to say, "I think I'll go to law school." I could have chosen med school. I could have chosen to get a Ph.D. in Sociology. But...apparently, for whatever reason, my choice was law school.

But now. I'm almost done with my first semester. And even though I still don't know why I made this decision, now that I am here, I have discovered a passion for the law unlike anything I have ever felt. Even though I don't generally believe in fate or divine intervention, I'm reluctant to say that I knew all along that this was the right thing to do. I didn't know all along. But something led me to it. I watched for signs. I wasn't going to take the LSAT again if I had gotten a bad score. I was going to take it as a sign that law school wasn't for me. I was only going to apply to law schools once. If I didn't get in to any of them, that was going to be a sign that it wasn't for me. But, I scored well on the LSAT. I got into four pretty good law schools.

All subsequent steps to my final destination went just as well. I had no problems working out the funding either for moving across the country or for living expenses during school. An affordable apartment basically fell in my lap. The drive across the country went about as smoothly as one could expect a drive across the country in a moving van would be. And here I am.

Sometimes I wonder if I would have made it at a different school. Part of what has made this experience so wonderful is the endless options for support wherever I turn. No competition here for the "top spot," we don't have rankings. So when you miss class, at least 3 people ask if you need notes. Or, if they don't ask, the instant you ask them they share their notes without question. When you just don't get it, not only are the TAs and professors available to help, but people in your year are available to help too. We all want to succeed individually, but we don't want to do it at the expense of a fellow classmate, and the lack of rankings at Northeastern allows us to both succeed individually and help others succeed as well. In fact, I feel like I'm more successful when I understand something well enough to explain it to someone else.

Regardless of what led me here, and whether or not I would have been successful somewhere else...this is where I ended up, and this is where I found my passion. And in the moments of panic that I know are coming in the next two weeks, I think I will need to look back at this post and remember how I felt at this moment. Because right now I feel satisfied with my decision. I know I made the right one. I know this has invoked a passion in me that I will not find in any other career path. And I know I can't turn back, nor do I want to. I'm going to be a lawyer.


I started writing this as a comment on one of my mom's blog posts...but it was getting too long for a comment, and I feel like the post inspired some thoughts that I needed to put down in my own blog.

Anyways, Mom, you'll know what blog I'm responding to.

1) I think a movie quote says it best... "You can say anything to me, I hope you know that." - Jim Court (John Mahoney), Say Anything...
2) The raging success of Sex and the City has definitely opened up women my age to sharing their secrets with one another. I'm not sure about other generations, but I know that within my generation, any amount of sharing is entirely socially acceptable. Thus, I don't feel like I have any social barriers to sharing my secrets with my friends.
3) Even in light of that, I continue to retain my deepest secrets, sharing them with a VERY select few. I keep these secrets, not because it's socially unacceptable to share them, but because I have been hurt. So significantly that my ability to trust has been shattered. Especially that level of trust that is necessary for the kind of closeness you so beautifully described. I know that closeness. I had that closeness. It was a beautiful thing. But, the one I shared that closeness with took it, and manipulated it, and made it wrong, made it hurtful. I may never be able to share that closeness with anyone again. It saddens me that at the young age of 24, I have been so deeply scarred that I may never recover. This is what makes me jump whole-heartedly in career-related endeavors. This is why I keep people at bay, never letting anyone get close enough to hurt me again. This is what makes me push back the notion of a relationship to "someday." Always "someday." But...I retain a small glimmer of hope that someday will come. Someday, someone will find me, and fix me, and give me a reason to trust them, and the ability to do so. And they will not break that trust. They will not hurt me. It is this hope that keeps me searching. Looking for the love I deserve to find.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

A survey for big people


Here are some questions for the "out of high school" group...

What bill do you hate paying the most?
Rent. I would much rather be pouring my money into a place I actually own so I could get tax breaks, gain equity, and sue my obnoxious neighbors myself.

Where's the best place to eat a romantic dinner?
Back in Portland I would say Papa Haydn's. Here, I don't really know but I'm thinking somewhere in the North End.

Last time you puked from drinking?
In NYC with Shirani a few weeks ago.

When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
Never, although I've been told it's much safer because then the guys who try to feel you up get thrown out since the bouncers can see what's happening.

Name of your first grade teacher?
I don't know. I had Mrs. Blair for second, third, and fourth grade and we all loved her so much that she kind of overshadowed anyone before that.

What do you really want to be doing right now?
I want to be sitting on Christen's couch having a movie marathon.

What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A singer, or a writer.

How many colleges did you attend?
One undergrad school, and currently attending one graduate (law) school.

Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now?
Because it's my favorite sweatshirt.

GAS PRICES First thought?
I've forgotten about them in the past few months since I didn't bring my car out to Boston, but I remember thinking they were pretty ridiculous and I doubt that has changed.

If you could visit anywhere and take someone with you...
Paris, with my mom.

First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
What alarm? It's Thanksgiving break!

Last thought before going to sleep last night?
mmm...snuggly warm kitty... (or something to that effect)

Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
If I tell the world, it's not a surprise when they get to it... ;)

In the interest of clarification...a friend of mine believes this may be favorite "on" the opposite sex. In that case, boxers. But I still maintain my previous answer.

What errand/chore do you despise?

If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery?

What is your favorite cartoon character?
Tigger, I have the tat to prove it (almost the same as Rachael's...)

Are you planning on remaining in your current field?
Well, I believe that's the point of going to law school...so yes.

Do you see yourself married in the next five years?
Umm...maybe. That's only two years out of law school and I'd really like to start my career first, but if I meet the right person then that's cool too.

Your favorite lunch meat?

What do you get every time you go into a WalMart?
I am actively boycotting Wal-Mart.

Beach or lake?

Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?

TV show you miss?
Deadwood! Damn you HBO for not doing the final season! The story isn't done! The fire hasn't happened! Okay...done with my vent.

Favorite guilty pleasure?
The "salsa con queso" dip I like.

Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
I'm very open about my favorite movies.

What's your drink?
In a bar - Vodka Cran. Cozy at home - tea.

Cowboys or Indians?
As in the childhood game? I never played.

Cops or Robbers?
Again, I never played.

Do you cheer for the bad guy in a movie?

What Hollywood star do you think resembles you best?
People say Audrey Tautou...at least when I had short hair she did.

If you had to pick one, which cast member of Lost would you be?
I don't watch it anymore.

What do you want when you are sick?
My mom, blankets, soup, and a movie.

Who from high school would you like to run into?
I'm still friends with all the people I cared about, so I don't really know.

What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
Probably nothing unless my dad fixed the antenna thing, he probably just has a CD in.

Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
It was their mistake that they should take back. And I don't want to talk about it.

Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
N/A, I'm in law school right now. Although a few months ago when I did work the person across from me became one of my closest friends.

If you could get away with it, whom would you kill?
My neighbors downstairs. God damn them and their music.

What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Jason Mraz.

What famous person would you like to sleep with?
See above. ;)

Have you ever had to use a firearm?

Last book you read?
Slaughterhouse Five.

Yes, Panthro Bear.

Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
At a campsite, I guess.

Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
I've seen all I need to see of California.

Number of texts in a day?
Very few unless I'm having a conversation with someone from home. Usually maybe one or two just to confirm plans.

If you had to choose- would you start a new career or relationship?
Well, seeing that I'm in the process of starting a new career, and I'm not in a relationship, I guess I'll have to go with relationship.

Favorite Winter Olympic Sport?
Mmm...speed skating, if Apolo Anton Ono is skating.

Pencil or pen?
I usually use pens now...if I hand write at all. All my class notes are on my laptop.

Ancient Egyptians or Mayans?

How many jobs have you had?
A fair few.

Are you where you thought you would be at this age?
No, law school was a fairly recent decision. But definitely the right one.

My Dæmon.

I guess I really am a cat at heart. =)